Pandora & My Broken Heart
Part 3 – Read Part 2 here
The medicine arrived. Carrying my personal and unique unlock codes.
45 minutes of waiting patiently and then we were underway…
I was in spirit and spirit was in me. We had merged, just like the few moments when you wake from a dream and everything is still vivid. The experience was beautiful, colourful and loving. And then it all changed. The message. The gift. The reason I had been called to the Jungle. The information that I had to hear…
Neil. You were abused as a child. While you slept.
“What?”
“Why?”
“No. Spirit, why have you done this to me?
The sacred spirits had spoken through pictures and visions. They had revealed to me what lay hidden deep within my heart. I had come seeking clarity in my life and how I could help the world. But I got this.
I tried to fight against it. To reject it. To deny it. It was too big. Too insurmountable. I was overcome. How could this have happened and I not remember any of it? But spirit knew. The people involved, the places, the whole story, played out to me in the Temple that night. Deep in the Jungle.
“I wanted to run”
I wanted to leave, to catch up my rucksack and just head out into the jungle in the pitch dark. Or steal one of the boats and just get away from the village, the temple, the shamans and my truth. I wanted to scream at life WHY? Why me? Why this? Why now?
I stayed. The storm raged some more. My secret past unravelling before my eyes, to my utter disbelief. There was I suppose a part of me that was curious to know more, despite the pain. I found an inner resolve to see this through. I had come so far. I trusted. I allowed the process.
More pieces of the jigsaw were lovingly provided by spirit in her infinite forms. The story of me that I never consciously knew or allowed myself to know for all these decades.
All around me in the Temple it sounded like a storm had erupted, with everyone on their unique and personal journey’s. Releasing the darkness from their lives and their bodies. The shaman worked in earnest, singing their powerful spirit songs, their icaros.
The sacred sounds that I came to realise set us free from the darkness, from the shroud of confusion of who we are. They are a coded light, sound and frequency package that merge with our energetic body and allow us to shed the layers of energetic dirt and debris that builds up around us.
“Plant medicine makes you purge”
there is no nice way to put this. It is rough when you are sick in the dark, in a bucket and you can hear others around you purging their dark too. But it is such a perfect and complete way to release from our energy bodies, all that no longer serves our highest good. And the feeling you get when you finish is one of utter liberation. Your body is at a new frequency, there is a freshness and cleanliness like never before, you are liberated and you are reborn from the limitations of the past.
The facilitators worked the room, assisting and helping where they were needed. They were like angels lighting up the dark, everything was done with such grace and love. They were there to support us through the dark night of the soul.
My journey moved on and to the unexplained pains I had been enduring in my chest and back. Spirit told me there was an energetic sword through my back and into my heart. It needed to be removed. I called out and one of the facilitators lovingly obliged. I felt the metallic object leave my energy body, as I whinced and grimaced thinking about what had happened back in 2013 when I developed PTSD and the chest pains after my son’s accident on holiday in France.
It would be some months before I fully understood what had happened on that day in 2013 and how it had lead me to the Jungle and the biggest revelation of my life. But with perseverance and courage I would decode the spiritual message. More about that in a later blog.
I purged a lot that night. Layer upon layer of darkness was shed. At one point I seemed to be removing energetic armour from my body. My journey was fast paced, from one memory to the next, all the time clearing, shedding and understanding. And all the while in the back of my mind the first memory of the night. The abuse. I couldn’t run from it but spirit would not let me dwell upon it. There was more work at hand.
“For six gruelling hours did I face what I was brought to Peru to see.”
And in the early hours of the morning as if to add insult to injury I had to face the rest of the group. We gathered in the centre of the temple, everyone else eminated complete bliss. Their journey had been one of light. I had spent the ceremony with the dark.
Whilst the others enjoyed watermelon, papaya and cups of herbal tea I was helped to my bed by a facilitator. With the mosquito net tucked in around my sanctuary, I was left. To process. Alone.
I would not sleep this night. The abuse. My revelation racing around inside of me. Strange and confusing moments and memories from my childhood started to surface. I allowed myself to remember, honestly, objectively. All of the memories made sense and fitted with my new truth. I had tried the truth on for size and I am sad to say that it fit. Perfectly.
It would have been easier and more convenient to just explain away those moments from my childhood. But this was no longer possible. Spirit had given me the key to my life and enough information that I could not go back. Pandora’s box was opened. Months of reflection later I would see that I had explained those memories away, perhaps hiding or protecting myself from the painful truth that I was not able or ready to accept.
And as I would later discover, spirit gives you what you need and not what you want. I had come to Peru wanting to know my gifts, my mission, how I could serve. What I got was the first piece of a jigsaw. Admittedly it was the centre piece and the piece that I had been missing for 40 years. But that night in the Jungle when it was given to me by the all knowing spirits, it was a crap, horrible, shitty piece and I didn’t want it.
To be continued…